5 "French" minutes

Yesterday I had the first of (potentially) numerous freak-outs. I'd been feeling a bit on the edge/stressed, but I didn't really think much of it... after all, that seems to just be a typical characteristic of my life. Yesterday, though, I realized what it is that's been seriously bugging me. There's a fact that I'd come to terms with: the French define "efficient" quite differently than I do. That's not the problem. Yes, it can be annoying that my paperwork take 10x longer to be completed than it would back home, but it's France. If I'm living within a society, I have to deal with the way they go about doing things. The problem is that I've become so much less efficient. I've always been the kind of person that could be easily categorized as an "overachiever". When I do something, I want it to be done in a way that makes me proud to have my name associated with it... For some reason (and maybe it's because I was on "vacation mode" for at least a month, for the first time in at least a year) everything is taking me so much longer to do. I forget to do little things (like to send emails or to call people back) all of the time. It has started to really bother me.

On top of this, I'm doing many things for the "first time". That is, I'm doing many of my normal activities for the first time in a new place, under new circumstances, using new resources, etc. Therefore, it's only natural that everything takes a bit longer. But, when everything takes a few hours longer than usual, and I'm deterred from getting the 85 other things I have to do, done it can get annoying reallllly quickly.

I guess this bring back my "Because I'm American" theme? I think it's more of a "because I'm from the Northeast and need to have everything done yesterday" theme. It's okay if I take a bit more time to do one thing, but if everything get's backed up like a pile-up on the Jersey Turnpike, it's not okay. Cue: yoga. Today is may day off. So, all I have to do is prepare a PowerPoint presentation, make it for my Hot Chocolate date on time, and go to dinner at one of my teacher's, and make sure that I take the nap I desperately need and watch my American guilty-pleasure of a T.V. show (shout-out to Gossip Girl xoxo). For anyone who doesn't know me, this is a "day off" for me.

Friends and family back home, I'm sorry that I've been slacking at everything having to do with you. In fact, I haven't been... I've been searching for Xmas break flights like a madwoman, so you haven't been forgotten! I'm just still getting used to trying to balance my "lives" (see previous post). Also, I apologize for the lack of editing my blog posts... I really get too tired and side-tracked (and for those of you who know me, 5 minutes is never enough for me to edit anything I've written!). I promise I'll get better at this. I just please ask that you bear with me, and also try to help me find a compromise to find time to talk... the whole 6-hour time difference gets really rough! Love you all and miss you! I hope all of you back State-side are enjoying your pumpkin-picking, caramel apples, mulled wine, and Halloween preparation.

xoxo

My pumpkin- autumnal decor!

Sweet potato... fall <3

My lovely Natalie with our Cidres to go along with our crêpes

Me with the cidre !

Bienvenue en France.

I think it's safe to say that I've pretty much gotten into the swing of things. However, as I'm still in the process of getting much of the administrative procedures out of the way, my days could do with a few more hours in them. I've started waking up before my alarm, again.This wouldn't be a problem... were my alarm not set to "7:00 a.m.". I suppose I should be a good American stereotype and procrastinate, so let's summarize the past few weeks, shall we? ....

Thankfully, I'm settled into my apartment and in my room. I still need some curtains because the outdoor blinds are not working for me. I'm sorry, but I come from a place where prancing (and often dancing) around in one's own room is acceptable at any hour. This act has proven quite difficult when my lovely view of the square in front of my apartment is full of pedestrians and city drivers... whoops! Luckily, the French (much like their Italian cousins) do not believe in screens. This makes for much easier shutter closing and opening. My colocatrice (or "flatmate", there's no real American English equivalent) is the best. I was lucky enough to have found the perfect flat from the start. Oddly enough, her family is Polish as well and she speaks Polish fluently, too. This makes those I-can't-quite-explain-this-to-you moments so much easier! That is just one of the many examples of how Saint-Etienne is the poster-child for "It's a small world." 

Everyone that I've met so far is extremely nice (both Stephanois--from Saint-Etienne-- and foreign)! The other language assistants are pretty amazing. It makes sense that we would get along well, since it takes a certain type of person to take part in such an endeavor.

Part of the new room...

At the Mine Museum

Roomie giving a tour of the Mine Museum

This week marked the beginning of my Assistantship period. Though I visited the high school with my head teacher a few weeks ago (when I'd arrived in Saint-Etienne). My school is the largest of the high schools in the school district. This would explain my getting lost numerous times per day. Everyone being rather friendly really helps in times such as those! Today we had our Orientation with some head education honchos and found out that we aren't supposed to be doing anything but observing classes and introducing ourselves this week and next. Interestingly enough, some of the assistants have already been assigned their own classrooms and have been asked to prepare lessons (the great majority of us have very little to no teaching experience), and some said that their teachers have asked them to grade assignments. Luckily our superiors made it very clear that these are NOT aspects of the assistantship program. I suppose that I was fortunate enough to have only worked with professors who understand this concept, so far (well, more-or-less). I only worked for two days this week (since I had my orientation today, and couldn't make it to the 5 classes I was to have). So far I've worked with secondes (the equivalent of sophomores), premiers (juniors), terminales (seniors), and with students of the BTS (Brevets de Technichiens) program (a higher national certificate, post-secondary). The levels really vary. There were some younger classes that had much higher levels than some of the BTS students (some of who, by the way, are older than I). 

For the most part, I felt welcomed and I felt that the majority of the students were interested in this "special guest". I love the reactions that follow my American accent. Some people in the hallways (or in the street, when I'm with my anglophone friends) will repeat the new sounds that they hear. The funniest is when people hear Americans talking and ask whether we're British. That is not an ice breaker at the bar, fellas. Maybe when you get it right, it works. But if your not so solid on your English accents, try another "talk-up" line (as my Londonian friend calls them). One thing that I'm excited for: perfecting my British English... "uni", "mate", and "cheers" have started creeping into sentences ("dodgy" isn't far behind!). 

I'm really looking forward to beginning to plan some conversation lessons. Once I get a feel for what the teacher hope to accomplish with the class, and what (s)he expects for me to bring to the classroom dynamic, things will get really fun! 

It's interesting that (almost) every time that I live abroad, I seem to have this other life. An ocean, time-difference, and cultural differences sometimes make it hard to keep everything straight. I think that this time, this will be my biggest challenge. I've experienced some intense culture shock, reverse-culture-shock, homesickness, and being sick of home(ness). If any of the symptoms leading up to those creep up on me, I'll be better prepared for them. But, I truly think that trying to fuse "My American Life" and "My French Life" together to become (simply) "My Life" will pose the biggest problem in the coming weeks. I know that I've already been bad at keeping certain Skype dates and at responding to certain e-mails in a more Cecilia-like fashion (aka- within 5 minutes of receiving them). So, my Autumn Resolution is to work toward balancing both aspects of my life... both worlds with cultures, relationships, and realities. I may as well add meditation to that resolution. It would probably be beneficial at this point.

I've been seeing a family friend (well, a friend who met my dad about 3 months after I'd applied to this program in France, who happens to live within 20 minutes from me. Hello, small world!) to help her sons practice their English. They're already bilingual (in the true sense of the word. Their Polish declensions are actually correct unlike mine, which take about 2-3 attempts before settling confidently on one to use) and are at the perfect age to absorb everything thrown in the direction of their brain. We work on conversing and we play games, talk informally, and will eventually watch some videos and discuss them. It's nice because the family is great, and really make me feel at home/like we've been friends for ages. But, also, I'm able to be around pre-adolescents. As much as I've always thought that I'd like to teach high schoolers and adults, my time teaching 3-14 year olds last year made me realize that being around people in general makes me happy. 

There's also an opportunity to work with adults, learning English. That is also a more relaxed setting, and would be a wonderful experience. I think that the coming months will really allow me to decide on whether or not teaching is for me. I'll be giving an Italian lesson tomorrow (kind of as a trial, no pressure!)... I guess that second Romance Language came in handy, after all!

 I can't help but laugh: I went into uni (haha. Thanks, Brits!) as a music education major. I was sure that teaching high schoolers the wonders of music was what I wanted to do with my life. Alas, by year 2, I was all about the foreign languages and cultures. Life, as often related to a circle, has kept me within the realm of education. Though, it's good to know that I've gone about re-discovering it in a sense. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be". No matter how hard I try to deny it, if I'm meant to teach, it'll be. As of right now, though, I don't think I'd mind. 

Well, the reason that I chose the title of this (ridiculously long) post, is because of the French way. I don't know exactly how to put into words what I mean by this. Let's just say, the phrase that can be found par tout : "Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité" might describe the French better were it changed to "Autorisé, Légalité, Formalité". In other words, even the French empathize with foreigners going through the myriad of administrative, financial, and legal formalities. I don't think I've received this much guidance or paperwork from any organization back home! It can get stressful because of the unavoidable Catch-22s lurking around every corner ("you can't open a bank account without proof of residence", "you can't live here without proof of your bank account"), though sometimes thinking like an American can really help ("well, I don't have a home, yet. BUT, my place of employment has an address!"). 

One of the main differences that I cite between the US and France is the American work-ethic versus that of the French. For the most part, it's hard for many Americans (or maybe I'm just stereotyping) to separate worktime and playtime. Constantly replying to boss' emails and stressing out over a project at work while out to dinner with friends seems to be the norm. Lunch breaks? Haha! Over the computer, while still taking phone calls, or (for those lucky enough) a quick run to Starbuck for a caffeine boost and an indigestion-inducing two-bites of a sandwich. While in France, lunch breaks? Cities are deserted, some restaurants even close for lunch hour. School children go home for their two-hour break if their close enough. My high school has their 4-course sit-down meal, complete with water pitchers at each table. Once home, it's family time and leisure time. Even homework has its limits. 

This mentality is great for the soul and for the body. However, it's also the driving force between the "yes, you do have all of the necessary forms for which you've been running around all day. But, you see, we close in 1 hour, so I really don't feel like processing anything else today. You'll have to come back tomorrow" situations. This, along with duration estimations ("Oh, if I send your bank card today, it should arrive to you by Wednesday", read: Saturday), can be quite frustrating when taken in large doses.

When I really think about it, though. Would I rather live in a more efficient, yet highly stressful environment? Or would I rather live where efficacy is not on the top of the list of priorities, but where leisure  is considered a necessity for survival? I'll take the latter.

Now that I've sufficiently rambled. I leave you, that's assuming that anyone actually reads this craziness, with a quote from the book that I'm currently reading by Elaine Sciolino, La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life: "France... operates as 'an extremely strange system, impenetrable from the outside, rather agreeable to live in, but totally different from anywhere else'. (12)"

À la prochaine ! Bisous xx

...because I'm American.

I'll actually have an update in a few days... Once I'm moved in to a real "home" & can think in a more eloquent manner, and can post from a 15" screened laptop, as opposed to a smartphone! Anyway, it wasn't until my 3 month period of living in France during my second term abroad that I realized: I'm American. I mean, I always knew I was... American passport, SS#, student loans accumulating up the wazoo... But I'd always been "Polish-American". Granted, in America I was considered "Polish", in Poland, "American". But living abroad made me realize that certain aspects of my daily life reflected (quite vividly) the fact that I am an American. I think I may post little things that I re-notice on here. These are things that one may not realize until she is abroad... Like culture shock, but not as intense. I mean, all stores but 2 being closed on a Sunday is NOT as bad as being in the desert with no clean water, you can survive. Haha. Airport security. Well, luggage in general. Going through TSA was quite the production. All of my electronics had been taken out separately from my carryons. Or so I thought! It turns out that my laptop, kindle, iPhone, camera, and chargers had been taken out... But I forgot about my external hard drive. You know, that giant hunk of plastic with all that computer power?? Yup. Oops! Once that went through repacking was a bitch! But, it's cool. They didn't realize that I'd also forgotten about the tweezers in my makeup kit. Then again, what's tweezers when you think some middle-class white chick from CT has a bomb in her Red polka dot Cath Kidston carry-on? Another thing, all of my cute cases from Marc Jacobs, longchamps, cathkidston, vera Bradley... American. I'm obsessed with my smartphone. That pretty much sums it up. Granted, I got rid of data on my American iPhone almost 2 years ago, so now it's rekindlin my iPhone addiction. It'll wear off soon enough. Until then, I'll continue talking on my FB Messanger app, skype app, listen to z100 via my I heart radio app, and stay up-to-date with my nytimes and CNN apps. Homesick? Not when you've got the Internet! You should've done that yesterday. Maybe it's a NE Coast thing... But I definitely need to work on my patience a bit more. I just get into city mode and forget, sometimes, that not ALL cities are like (the greatest one out there. #empirestateofmind) NYC. Sometimes at shopping malls, you'll just have to deal with people walking at the speed of escargot... In the street people may not know how to pass you effectively. It's okay. The world won't end. And sometimes, just sometimes, getting your phone to finally get service may take 5 hours, instead of 30 minutes, because the sales associate fills the "blonde" stereotype... Gotta love me a discount/ My hair is not okay. After getting a bank account, a phone & an umbrella (key items to have when establishing oneself in the "real" world, I needed a blowdryer... Only because my travel one basically exploded. So I opted for the professional one. It was on sale! 31€20 was a deal! (even though, the night before I'd seen a commercial on tv for one that cost 9€95... Hi, exchange rate!) but! It's an investment. And it brings up yet another "I'm American" factor: bargain hunting/discounts. Damnit, Capitalism, you've become internalized. Hi, eldctronics, all my luggage, and everything I just HAD to buy upon arrival! I don't know how I feel about these things, they're just observations. They make me laugh at myself. But, in the end, if you can't laugh at yourself, what can you laugh at? xoxo

The moment...

Do you ever stumble upon something at the perfect moment? Let's say you've had a rough morning; not only are you late for work, you forgot to grab your coffee on the way out, just dropped all of the contents your bag, and you can't find a parking spot after sitting in 30 minutes'-worth of traffic... then, out of nowhere you pass an adorable little boy asking Mommy why the sky is blue. That one little moment of innocent inquiry can somehow manage to turn our entire day around. It's that moment that inspires reevaluation and appreciation for the positive.

Yesterday was not one of my favorite, weather-wise. Most who know me know that when it's raining, I am fully prepared and decked out in waterproof garb: trench coat, rain boots, umbrella, the works.  I'll admit that sometimes I don't mind the rain, I just like to sport the bright yellow boots! It can be an excuse to sit inside all day with a good book and a nice cup of tea. Unfortunately, yesterday was not one of these relaxing rainy days. 

I have been preparing for my "Grand Voyage" for at least the past 7 months. Yet I'm still ticketless, apartment-less, and beginning to feel a bit nervous. I know that everything will work out-- I Googlemapsed my city the second I heard back from the Ministries of Culture & Education, I've found the closest IKEA, and know which branches of my soon-to-be French bank are closest to my soon-to-be place of employment. I suppose it's just my need to over-plan and my tendency for attempted perfectionism that is beginning to get to me.

When I went to the family friend helping me to figure out my flight situation (a process that's been going on since May), she informed me that she does not have my ticket price- she's working on getting a deal for this recent college grad with more student loans than mentionable here. But, I'm definitely leaving on the 14th (i.e. one week from today). This date that I had been giving people as my "departure date" suddenly went from "8 days from now" to "a week from tomorrow". I believe that, that is the point at which panic struck. All my time involved in theatre when I was younger really has helped me in such situations. I doubt that anyone could tell how much I was freaking out on the inside: "A WEEK?! I have A WEEK to pack?! A WEEK to say good-bye to everyone?? Where am I going to live?? Which of my 8 pair of boots do I bring? Should I pack snacks in my checked luggage, too? What's the exchange rate today??"... 

It's kind of embarrassing to admit but I felt so overwhelmed that I didn't even know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I tried a new pizza place nearby our house that my brother has recommended numerous times (Rico's pizza on Selleck Street, for anyone in the area. They deliver and they're amazing!), had to check that off of the Bucket List! That made me feel a little bit better. Then I went to the office to pick up my final paycheck. That was a great feeling, especially since I worked my derrière off for it. Of course, when I got back into the car to drive to the bank, a rather depressing Adele song came on the radio- as if the day of rain weren't sad enough! 

As I walked back to my car, I spotted the bumpersticker on the yellow car parked next to me: "Not all who wander are lost". That was the moment, the moment that turned all the sadder parts of my day around. "I'm moving to Europe. I'm going to be living and working in France for the year. I'm going to decide on what I want to study in grad school. This is great!" I was back to regarding my "Grand Voyage" as an adventure, and it was all thanks to J.R.R. Tolken!

Since I've been telling people about my future move, the initial reaction has generally been "But aren't you scared?!" Honestly, no. I hadn't been and I'm not. I know that living and working there for at least 7 months will be far different from having studied there for 3. But not fully being prepared and not really knowing what's in store is what adventure is all about, isn't it? So, I'd like to end this ridiculously lengthy first blog post with a toast: to adventure and to figuring it out as it comes! After all, we can only plan ahead so much...