...because I'm American.

I'll actually have an update in a few days... Once I'm moved in to a real "home" & can think in a more eloquent manner, and can post from a 15" screened laptop, as opposed to a smartphone! Anyway, it wasn't until my 3 month period of living in France during my second term abroad that I realized: I'm American. I mean, I always knew I was... American passport, SS#, student loans accumulating up the wazoo... But I'd always been "Polish-American". Granted, in America I was considered "Polish", in Poland, "American". But living abroad made me realize that certain aspects of my daily life reflected (quite vividly) the fact that I am an American. I think I may post little things that I re-notice on here. These are things that one may not realize until she is abroad... Like culture shock, but not as intense. I mean, all stores but 2 being closed on a Sunday is NOT as bad as being in the desert with no clean water, you can survive. Haha. Airport security. Well, luggage in general. Going through TSA was quite the production. All of my electronics had been taken out separately from my carryons. Or so I thought! It turns out that my laptop, kindle, iPhone, camera, and chargers had been taken out... But I forgot about my external hard drive. You know, that giant hunk of plastic with all that computer power?? Yup. Oops! Once that went through repacking was a bitch! But, it's cool. They didn't realize that I'd also forgotten about the tweezers in my makeup kit. Then again, what's tweezers when you think some middle-class white chick from CT has a bomb in her Red polka dot Cath Kidston carry-on? Another thing, all of my cute cases from Marc Jacobs, longchamps, cathkidston, vera Bradley... American. I'm obsessed with my smartphone. That pretty much sums it up. Granted, I got rid of data on my American iPhone almost 2 years ago, so now it's rekindlin my iPhone addiction. It'll wear off soon enough. Until then, I'll continue talking on my FB Messanger app, skype app, listen to z100 via my I heart radio app, and stay up-to-date with my nytimes and CNN apps. Homesick? Not when you've got the Internet! You should've done that yesterday. Maybe it's a NE Coast thing... But I definitely need to work on my patience a bit more. I just get into city mode and forget, sometimes, that not ALL cities are like (the greatest one out there. #empirestateofmind) NYC. Sometimes at shopping malls, you'll just have to deal with people walking at the speed of escargot... In the street people may not know how to pass you effectively. It's okay. The world won't end. And sometimes, just sometimes, getting your phone to finally get service may take 5 hours, instead of 30 minutes, because the sales associate fills the "blonde" stereotype... Gotta love me a discount/ My hair is not okay. After getting a bank account, a phone & an umbrella (key items to have when establishing oneself in the "real" world, I needed a blowdryer... Only because my travel one basically exploded. So I opted for the professional one. It was on sale! 31€20 was a deal! (even though, the night before I'd seen a commercial on tv for one that cost 9€95... Hi, exchange rate!) but! It's an investment. And it brings up yet another "I'm American" factor: bargain hunting/discounts. Damnit, Capitalism, you've become internalized. Hi, eldctronics, all my luggage, and everything I just HAD to buy upon arrival! I don't know how I feel about these things, they're just observations. They make me laugh at myself. But, in the end, if you can't laugh at yourself, what can you laugh at? xoxo

The moment...

Do you ever stumble upon something at the perfect moment? Let's say you've had a rough morning; not only are you late for work, you forgot to grab your coffee on the way out, just dropped all of the contents your bag, and you can't find a parking spot after sitting in 30 minutes'-worth of traffic... then, out of nowhere you pass an adorable little boy asking Mommy why the sky is blue. That one little moment of innocent inquiry can somehow manage to turn our entire day around. It's that moment that inspires reevaluation and appreciation for the positive.

Yesterday was not one of my favorite, weather-wise. Most who know me know that when it's raining, I am fully prepared and decked out in waterproof garb: trench coat, rain boots, umbrella, the works.  I'll admit that sometimes I don't mind the rain, I just like to sport the bright yellow boots! It can be an excuse to sit inside all day with a good book and a nice cup of tea. Unfortunately, yesterday was not one of these relaxing rainy days. 

I have been preparing for my "Grand Voyage" for at least the past 7 months. Yet I'm still ticketless, apartment-less, and beginning to feel a bit nervous. I know that everything will work out-- I Googlemapsed my city the second I heard back from the Ministries of Culture & Education, I've found the closest IKEA, and know which branches of my soon-to-be French bank are closest to my soon-to-be place of employment. I suppose it's just my need to over-plan and my tendency for attempted perfectionism that is beginning to get to me.

When I went to the family friend helping me to figure out my flight situation (a process that's been going on since May), she informed me that she does not have my ticket price- she's working on getting a deal for this recent college grad with more student loans than mentionable here. But, I'm definitely leaving on the 14th (i.e. one week from today). This date that I had been giving people as my "departure date" suddenly went from "8 days from now" to "a week from tomorrow". I believe that, that is the point at which panic struck. All my time involved in theatre when I was younger really has helped me in such situations. I doubt that anyone could tell how much I was freaking out on the inside: "A WEEK?! I have A WEEK to pack?! A WEEK to say good-bye to everyone?? Where am I going to live?? Which of my 8 pair of boots do I bring? Should I pack snacks in my checked luggage, too? What's the exchange rate today??"... 

It's kind of embarrassing to admit but I felt so overwhelmed that I didn't even know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I tried a new pizza place nearby our house that my brother has recommended numerous times (Rico's pizza on Selleck Street, for anyone in the area. They deliver and they're amazing!), had to check that off of the Bucket List! That made me feel a little bit better. Then I went to the office to pick up my final paycheck. That was a great feeling, especially since I worked my derrière off for it. Of course, when I got back into the car to drive to the bank, a rather depressing Adele song came on the radio- as if the day of rain weren't sad enough! 

As I walked back to my car, I spotted the bumpersticker on the yellow car parked next to me: "Not all who wander are lost". That was the moment, the moment that turned all the sadder parts of my day around. "I'm moving to Europe. I'm going to be living and working in France for the year. I'm going to decide on what I want to study in grad school. This is great!" I was back to regarding my "Grand Voyage" as an adventure, and it was all thanks to J.R.R. Tolken!

Since I've been telling people about my future move, the initial reaction has generally been "But aren't you scared?!" Honestly, no. I hadn't been and I'm not. I know that living and working there for at least 7 months will be far different from having studied there for 3. But not fully being prepared and not really knowing what's in store is what adventure is all about, isn't it? So, I'd like to end this ridiculously lengthy first blog post with a toast: to adventure and to figuring it out as it comes! After all, we can only plan ahead so much...